Claritin

I have allergies. I discovered this almost two years ago when I kept turning up at the doctor’s office complaining of flu-like symptoms. He handed me some Astelin and said “you have allergies”.

About six months later I changed doctors. My old one was in Oakland. I haven’t lived in Oakland since 2001 and it was finally time to get with the times. In the transition from my old doctor to my new doctor, I had to go about a week without any Astelin. I used Claritin instead, and quickly discovered a very unusual fact: Claritin makes me high.

My heart races a bit, but more importantly, my mind races jumping from half formed thought to half formed thought like a frog fleeing a burning forest of lily pads. I find this incredibly annoying. I can’t even concentrate long enough to play a board game, and I talk incessantly. Those of you who actually know me know this is somewhat the opposite of my normal state.

That week I was on the Claritin I drank a lot, just to take the edge off.

Last fall I went to see an allergist and found out I’m massively allergic to dust mites, or really, I’m allergic to dust mite shit. (People generally aren’t allergic to the dust mites themselves). So I started on a run of allergy shots.

Unfortunately last month we got to a dosage that results in a giant itchy welt on my arm every time I get a shot. Because of the reaction, they can’t increase the dosage, and so the shots really aren’t doing me any good. Last week, the allergist suggested I TAKE A CLARITIN THE DAY OF MY SHOT.

So I did, in hopes maybe it wouldn’t effect me the same way. It does, but somehow I managed to write this and make it coherent. Of course, it took me 2 hours, but…