Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Where, whaaa?

Photo credit: me!

Ever have one of those “What the hell am I doing with my life” panic attacks? You know the ones that you feel in your chest, like you’re about to hyperventilate? I had one of those today when I realized the guy I was entering into the database had been president of a particular subsidiary company since he was my age.

Now I’m not saying I would want to the president of a company (unless possibly it was my own company), but it makes me feel like I’m not living up to my potential, that I’m not as successful as I would like to be in the fields I would like to succeed at. That’s what gets the chest tightening a bit.

I have, perhaps, a misguided belief in our ability to create and shape our own reality. Unfortunately with all my varied interests, I don’t have a clear vision of the reality I’d like to create. Or maybe I do, but I lose sight of it. Or maybe I do and it’s just more complicated than most so it’s taking me longer to effect.

I don't know. If nothing else, it motivates me to work harder.


  1. "I have, perhaps, a misguided belief in our ability to create and shape our own reality."

    I don't think it's the belief that's misguided--perhaps it's the way that you put the belief into practice that may be misguided?

    That, and the fact that you "don’t have a clear vision of the reality I’d like to create."

    This is many, many years of misguided wisdom speaking. :)

  2. Misguided wisdom can be the best. Maybe it's that I'm not committed enough or focused enough on the vision of reality I want to create.

  3. It actually doesn't take very much commitment or focus. Your vision takes:

    1.) Specificity. Once that's crystalized, then:

    2.) Let go of the outcome (let go of expectations) by paying attention to the process

    It takes a few other things too, but that's a good place to start.

  4. Hmmm... That does sound like a good place to start, but I do need some measure of focus in order to crystallize the vision. Perhaps the moment of panic is more inspired by how unbelievably busy I am the next few weeks. No time to do anything, let alone crystallize a vision.


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In 1789, the governor of Australia granted land and some animals to James Ruse in an experiment to see how long it would take him to support himself. Within 15 months he had become self sufficient. The area is still known as Experiment Farm. This is my Experiment Farm to see how long it will take me to support myself by writing.