Friday, April 2, 2010

Project Runway 7, Episode 11: Mysteries Solved!

Whoa… What an episode… where to start?

Oh come on! Seriously? The “celebrity” was Heidi? THEY ALREADY DESIGNED A DRESS FOR HEIDI THIS SEASON. Oh, excuse me. That was for a magazine cover. This was for the red carpet. Big difference. Did Season 6 tank so badly you couldn’t get any celebrities interested? Or was it that you could only afford Jessica Alba’s appearance fee for one day of shooting? Dear Project Runway: Please stop tempting us and the designers with “celebrities” and “top designers” who are just Heidi and Michael. It’s hella lame. That’s right. I said “hella”.

One Down
Maya left the show. We only got little snippets of her reasons. Now that she’s free to talk about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s more info out there about why she decided to leave, but I haven’t seen those yet. (Her PR Video Diary and Tim Gunn's blog offer some more incite.) She’d looked uncomfortable for weeks and the stress was just too much for her. But the reason that seemed to be truest, and the reason I applaud her for, was that she just wasn’t ready. Good for her to be self aware enough to know that she doesn’t know what her own point of view is yet, and rather than get branded by a show at fashion week that may or may not have represented her, she walked away.

The Reaction
Mila was shaken, understandably. She was losing her “mini-me”. Emilio was an ass, because Emlio is an ass. If you win Emlio, I’m will egg Nina, Heidi, and Michael’s houses. Seth Aaron was an eloquent voice of reason. I wish I liked his clothes more. I wish he weren’t such a walking steam-punk cliché (his sewing box is an old suitcase… come on! Again, I could swing a dead cat in the Mission on a Saturday night and hit six of him). Jonathan reacted with dead-pan humor. Oh Jonathan. You’re so funny you should have your own show.

Two Down
With the workroom already shook-up and tense from Maya’s departure and the stress of designing yet another gown for Heidi, a new monkey got thrown into the wrench. Seth Aaron lost his model. Valeria took the Donna Karan gig that should have been a no-brainer to take in the first place.

The Resurrections
Somehow they planned it. They knew they’d lose a model and a designer in the episode that would air just before Easter, allowing them to resurrect the last designer and model eliminated: Anthony and Cerri! Alas, it worked out better for Anthony who survived to see another challenge, while Cerri got eliminated for a second week in a row. No one picked her last week, who was going to this week? Poor Cerri.

The Loser
Oh right, there was more to the episode than just people leaving and coming back. They were designing something for some celebrity. Oh Jonathan. Last week really fucked with your head. You defended yourself and stood up for your art on the runway, and then caved to Heidi’s criticisms in the workroom, compromised your aesthetic, and crashed. True Heidi criticized Jay for not taking her comments on his butt-dress, but you could have found away to stay true to yourself. Instead you were doomed. Once you threw out the fabric Heidi didn’t like, all you had was crap (that’s the link to the dress, FYI). The show will be less entertaining without you.

I'm shocked... shocked that they didn't hype Heidi's trip the workroom as a first in Project Runway history, which it was. Shocked.

The Winner(s)
For just the second time in Project Runway history, and the second time this season, we had two winners! Ok, actually this time it meant something. Winner #1: Emil… I can’t list his name anymore, but calling him “ass-face” seems to mean. We’ll call him “Neo” after Keanu Reeves character in The Matrix because he too was annoying and “the chosen one”. And it rhymes with his real name. Neo won with his sparkly-turd dress. Heidi will wear this one a red carpet someday. I find your sense of taste disturbing, Heidi. Winner #2: Anthony! From worst to first baby on one hour of sleep. Jessica Alba will wear his fabulous black-and-white dress on a red carpet someday. And look better than Heidi.

The Final Four

We’re down to five designers, and the preview revealed this year we’ll have a final four, just like basketball. Who will be the odd designer out? Mila, Anthony or Jay. Seth Aaron & Neo are locks on the finals. In case you’re wondering, all the remaining designers are now paired with the models they show with at Fashion Week, meaning no more model swapping.

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In 1789, the governor of Australia granted land and some animals to James Ruse in an experiment to see how long it would take him to support himself. Within 15 months he had become self sufficient. The area is still known as Experiment Farm. This is my Experiment Farm to see how long it will take me to support myself by writing.